Monday, October 30, 2006

Tribute from Kartik Raj (Kodai Classmate)

It's now over two months since I found out that one of my dearest
friends was gone, and I still haven't been able to write a word about
it, beyond the messages that I wrote to friends and family on the
first day beginning to register my shock at the cruel abruptness with
which we lost Neeraj .

I sat down and had a drink the other night with a friend of mine who
had never met Neeraj, and talked about coming to terms with a loss
like this -- sudden, unexpected, unacceptable, the kind of shock that
makes you feel like you're not quite seeing things right, or your
backbone isn't locking into place the way it's supposed to... the
unsettling taste of sour metal in my mouth. And people tell me that
loss gets easier to understand with time, that you can rationalize
it, and that you can remember the good times and celebrate them. It's
strange because I feel the exact inverse relationship. In the days
that immediately followed getting the terrible news, every memory of
Neeraj I shared with friends always ended in some kind of chuckle and
a shake of the head about something flamboyant, goofy, outrageous, or
plain-nuts that Neeraj had said or done. And that took the edge off
the grief, or at a very minimum put it in relation to some other
emotion. That's not quite so true anymore - I find it difficult to
forge those relations with the other component parts of my memory;
it's just grief.

I would share an anecdote or two to cheer up all the others of you
who love and miss Neeraj too, or tell you all about how Dose made me
laugh or drove me completely up the wall, but that doesn't seem an
honest response. I've recognized the importance of a time to grieve:
when I write about him or look at an old picture, my throat is
blocked, my chest constricted, I'm crying, sobbing in fact. I miss my
friend profoundly - one of my best friends, and the more and more I
think about it, probably my most loyal friend.

I miss you Neeraj. Much love, Kartik

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Tribute from Ajay Wagle (Kodai Classmate)

Neeraj Desai. No one did it better. 'It' being everything from
blistering social commentaries to the most inappropriate knock knock
jokes. Intelligent. Bold. Hilarious. He could greet antagonism
with a smile and then somehow transform it into admiration. The U.S.
military may have developed shock and awe tactics, but Neeraj
perfected them. It may not be as obvious as being able to fly or
X-ray vision, but a superpower he had. Through laughter, he made
people listen. While growing up I would occasionally (i.e. more
frequently than I would admit) wrap a towel around my neck pretending
it was a cape. Of course then I would be able to fly. I felt a
superhero incapable of flying couldn't possibly save the world. And
then one day I would meet Neeraj in a random corridor of K.I.S. This
would continue for the next four years. Brief encounters leaving me
quietly amused and unknowingly snared with a deep respect. As
unassuming a superhero as any, there was no cape to be seen. A decade
later, I've since retired my towel. In this world marred by sorrow
and uncertainty and anger, leaping tall buildings in a single bound
doesn't count for much. What the world needs is love, humor, and
understanding. And maybe an inappropriate knock knock joke or two.
It's practically begging for Neeraj Desai. No one did it better.

I'm proud to have known Neeraj and his Neeraj-osity. People who
haven't had that privledge are missing out on one of life's unexpected
bonuses. Fortunately for those unlucky few, his tribute blog is
fantastic. Through the teary eyes and quivering lips, you can't help
but smile when you remember him. As far as legacies go, I can't think
of any better. For Neeraj and his loved ones I pray and hope that the
smiles continue.

Monday, October 16, 2006

Diksha's Visit to Charlotte

I was in Charlotte over the weekend of October 14-16 to visit Nikola...Each time I get there, I feel like a part of my heart is left behind. The weekend was beautiful...bright sunshine, little bit of wind, birds chirping...it was beautiful! The first visit, I left knowing I had made new friends in Charlotte, this second visit, has left me with even more friends and a determination to live my life to its fullest! Nikola looks wonderful! Her smile is as cheerful as ever...and we know that either I must have been Czech or she was Indian in her earlier life ;)

I must tell you all of a funny incident - we were left speechless. The Saturday after I arrived, Nikola, Ileana, Lien and I went out for brunch. (Pls notice our United Nations table!) After hanging out for a while, sipping coffee in the sun, we decided it was time to get moving. We asked for the check and were informed that the gentleman who were dining next to us had payed for our meal and left! There were two guys sitting there eating, we didn't talk to them - there was no flirting - we were simply busy catching up and appreciating the time we all had with each other...we were enjoying the moment and these guys had paid for our meal. They didn't leave a card, wanted no gratitude...they did a little thing and it was just a wonderful way to start the weekend...just a little thing and it surprised us with its thoughtfulness! There was a newspaper left on their table, and yes, we did run through the pages thinking...hmmmm...maybe they might have left a clue and we could mail them a thank you card! But alas...nothing! Neeraj must have been really amused!

The rest of the weekend just went from there. Nikola was super woman as she walked over uneven grounds at the Renaissance Festival...we hung out at Robert/Radim's place on Saturday evening (Martin and Jugo performed!), went for a picnic on Sunday (with Macho)...it was a PERFECT weekend...

Ileana, Lien and John will be in NY over the November 9th weekend - I can't wait to see them! Nikola, my sis...we've got our plans! You're a shining star and I'm so lucky to know youl!

Thanks for opening up your homes and hearts!

love,

Diksha











Monday, October 02, 2006

Priya's Visit to Charlotte

An unanticipated weekend - to say the least. I went to Charlotte thinking this was going to be the hardest thing I'd ever have to do. That being immersed in Dose's life would be - well, overwhelming. But it changed - it changed the moment I saw them.

Bhasker uncle (who is truly the mold from which I can see Neeraj's sense of humor being made)and Nina aunty who is the critical thinker we all admired Dose to be - seeing them was like seeing the magicians behind the curtain. They are so loving and so much fun - it's impossible to not see why Neeraj thrived in an atmosphere of critical thinking and unencumbered, uncensored, unfettered love for life and humor.

Then I met Maya and her friend Clint. Now Maya - this girl is a female version of Dose! She's darling but with the same wit, the same brutal honesty, the same kind but sharp persona - just a lot more grace than we could ever have given Dose (who made fun of his own clumsiness!). And Clint - we'll he's just the 'nice guy' who in his rather sweet protective way watched out for the rest of us as the wine kept pouring, spilling and flowing! Such great roommates and listeners by extension of being stuck with me for 2 days! :)

The day progressed with meetings with more people than I can remember - just names and faces and so much love for Neeraj and the stories we shared about him for hours. Abhi - now this guy reminds me of Neeraj. I can't pinpoint why. The style - the sense of humor maybe? Maybe the walk - ah but no one had a walk quite like Dose's v-shaped jaunt n sway! with that "man bag" he was so proud of! And I talked and talked - more than even I'd like to admit. Maya was quick to point this out! :) But Neeraj seldom had friends who couldn't take it like they could dish it -so I let that one go! ;)

Then there's Dave's Harold to Dose's Kumar! This guy doesn't remember what happened Saturday night! But I remember all the laughing. I remember Dave's story about how he and Dose went to see Harold n Kumar go to Whitecastle! Them standing outside the hall in frontof the sign! Carl Penn never had a thing over Neeraj though and Dose knew it!

Of course there's Martin. Now Martin, with his golden tresses could put most to shame. Probably even had Neeraj asking him for hair care tips! I know Neeraj communicated his jealousy! Undeniably charming, kind and so receptive. It is no wonder that Neeraj surrounded himself with these people - they are kind, warm people, who came together to toast and roast Neeraj - and we had oh so much to say! Well Martin - and his dog Macho - are just a sight for sore eyes - the smile, the demeanor and that hair! :) Thank you Martin for making me feel so special.

There's also Sanjay. Sanjay reminded me of Dose in his "I'll be right there" - show's up 2 hours later kind of way! I didn't think there were too many guys like that! But even with Sanjay - like all the rest of these folks - I felt like I'd known him for years. It's hard to describe how people I've known for hours - can mean so much. It has to be Dose's energy that carries from his relationships with his friends n family to the relationships we've made amongst each other. There's just no other way to describe how I can meet people one day and love them - every single one of them - in a matter of hours.

And then today I met Kim, Gary and Rahul. More testaments to the fact that Neeraj really knew how to pick em'! He chose people with such unbelieveable propensity for random conversations and true appreciation for a good, ol' dirty joke! People who can't help but spend an afternoon talking about "bush", "turtle sodomy", the mating rituals of the smallest marsupial mammals in Australia?! (did I get that right Gary?!)! and just relishing in the chaotic thought patterns of one Neeraj Bhasker Desai. It's almost too much side-splitting humor for one weekend!

And then the true breath of fresh air, a glowing soul and beautiful girl (inside and out) - Nikola. Now this girl makes me so proud of Neeraj. That he saw in her what we all see in her. That he thought past his "urges" to see more than just the "hot" exterior. It makes me proud to think how Neeraj really had it all. The job, the intellect, the friends, the family, the girl and what a terrific girl. What a terrific family. What terrific friends.

In his parents, I feel their love for me not only as their son's sister, but as their own daughter. With Maya and Sanjay, I see a closeness and love I might not even share with my own cousins. And the rest of his friends, well, they are now my family. Every one I met this weekend - carries with them a piece of Neeraj. And together we paint quite the collection of the comedy of errors that is Neeraj. And we partied from 4pm Saturday on to the rest of the night in a way that Neeraj would have been proud. In a consumption of alcohol that Dose would have been impressed with. And we mixed - not as strangers - but as pieces of a puzzle that came together to represent a time series of Dose's life. All in all - the perfect weekend.

I came to Charlotte - not knowing what to expect. I left with 10 new numbers on my cell phone, a weekend to challenge all weekends and friends and family that I will keep with me the rest of my life. Nothing short of Neeraj's presence could have made this weekend any more perfect. And as for so many other things in my life - I owe this to Dose. For shaping who I am, for keeping me and Kaushik together, for reminding me to smile, for giving me a sense of humor. I am overwhelmed with how much I owe this guy. And I hope his friends and family will let me be there for them in a ditch effort to give just a little bit back to Dose. Thank you one and all for a truly memorable weekend.

All my love and support,
Priya