Tribute from Kim Vu

I have been trying to write a something for this blog since its inception, but every time I try someone (you, Kinnery, and Priya come to mind :))has already said it more eloquently than I could ever hope (must be the Kodai education) or I, more often than not, find myself engulfed in words and emotions I feel guilty for writing and having--anger, sadness, and utter disbelief. Neeraj would be laughing at me and telling me I'm ruining the party.

I still haven't come to terms with everything that has happened. I keep struggling with "moving on" and "forgetting". I can't wrap my head around how you do one without the other...because I don't want to forget...it's all I have left. Maybe it's the way I'm defining the terms; maybe I am just stuck in this box that Neeraj was always trying to free me from. He was always the spacial one while I was linear.

I remember thinking he was so annoying when I first met him--almost unbearable. He talked too much, asked completely inane questions, and just made these heinous comments at the most inappropriate moments...you couldn't take him anywhere! I didn't get him and it took me a little while to warm up to him. I don't remember the exact moment when I finally took a liking to him, but I'm sure we bonded while poking fun at other people. He was great to people watch with--painfully honest. I admired the way he could tell people things to their face that I only had the courage to say in my head. I envied the relationship he had with Nina and Bhasker. I lived vicariously through his extrovertedness. He taught me a lifetime of lessons in the brief period of time I was fortunate to have been touched by him. You've changed me forever...

And then he met Gary... I'm still convinced he was only friends with me to get to Gary. They must've been separated at birth or lovers in a previous life. The way he and Gary were with each other made me question their sexuality. The nonsensical conversations that I could never find a way into, the way they fawned over each other's outfits and traded shopping/beauty secrets...I had strong concerns about him trying to steal my boyfriend. You can imagine the huge sigh of relief I let out when Nikola came along. Not only did I no longer have to hear him complain about the dating scene in Charlotte, but I could rest easier as he'd found his soulmate and was no longer after mine!

I've gone off on a tangent now and as I was initially overcome with sorrow I am now laughing as I remember all of our strange encounters. So back to the point I was originally trying to make...thank you Kartik and all who have posted. You've found the words to articulate feelings I didn't know how to express. It really has been therapeutic.

Miss and love you so, so much Neeraj :*